White Blank Page
by Mrs. Mumford
Summary: She wanted so badly to shove him away and scream at him. She wanted to be strong. She wanted to resist. But more than that, it seemed, she wanted Remus Lupin.  Songfic. White Blank Page by Mumford and Sons. Rated M for sexual themes.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a songfic to one of my favorite songs of all time by my favorite band of all times: White Blank Page by Mumford and Sons! The direction and ending are different from my other songfic. Plus, this time it's in Hermione's POV.**

**Rated M for sexual themes(just one scene, and it's not very descriptive).**

**I'll see you at the end!**

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><p>Scalding hot water erupted by the gallon from a shower head and pounded on the hard ceramic floor. The rhythm of water hitting tile barely hid the sounds of heartbroken weeping. But Hermione Granger, owner of these sobs, did not even consider trying to hide them. She was, after all, alone. Alone in this house and alone in her mind.<p>

_Can you lie next to her_

_And give her your heart, your heart,_

_As well as your body?_

It seemed surreal, in a way, that it had ended like this. Or ended at all, for that matter. The only way she could tell that her soul was still inside her, if not intact, is that the crushing weight of her love and her anguish were too great to ignore. But it felt almost hard to feel anything anymore- like her heart had simply vanished. Because it had. She had given it to none other than Remus Lupin.

_And can you lie next to her_

_And confess your love, your love,_

_As well as your folly?_

Remus Lupin- the name bounced off the walls of her brain. These two words, four syllables, had once brought the kind of butterflies and joy to Hermione that you associated with fairytales. Now they just encouraged the flow of her tears.

_And can you kneel before the king_

_And say "I'm clean, I'm clean?"_

Hermione flinched away from these thoughts. She began to scrub her pale skin more fiercely, wanting to be rid of his touch; his sweat; his caress… but alas, it was in vain, for she had let everything about him linger so long that she feared she would never be fully rid of it.

_But tell me now where was my fault_

_In loving you with my whole heart?_

_Oh, tell me now where was my fault_

_In loving you with my whole heart?_

It seemed unfair to her. She had given him everything she had; her heart, her devotion, her unwavering love and compassion, and he had thrown it away quicker than you could say "Expecto Patronum." _Life isn't fair,_ Hermione thought sulkily to herself as she abandoned her attempt at cleansing herself and got out of the shower.

_A white blank page_

_And a swelling RAGE, RAGE!_

Flashback:

"Hermione... we need to talk." Remus said, guiding her to a couch and sitting himself down with her. She stared into his pale gray/blue eyes, wondering what was so serious that it made his forehead crease in that frowning way. "I've found someone else." He said calmly, quietly. Hermione could feel her heartrate pick up tenfold and her eyes widen in astonishment. "What are you talking about, Remus?" She asked in a hushed whisper. He met her eyes steadily. "Exactly what I said. I've fallen in love with Nymphadora Tonks. We can't do this anymore." The witch glared him down. "You're a fool. How is it possible for you to fall in and out of love like that?" She snapped. Remus frowned. "Hermione, you and I... our relationship was just sex." The words took a few minutes to sink in. "But- you- How dare you? How dare you use me as an outlet of your sexual urges and toss me away when you don't have any more use for me?" She demanded. She stormed towards the front door. He followed her, shouting, "Hermione, wait! I thought you understood-" "Sorry, I didn't get the memo." Hermione said scathingly. "Goodbye, Remus." With one last glance at the man she had foolishly fallen for, she retreated out the door, slamming it satisfyingly behind her.

End of Flashback

She was proud of herself for not shedding any tears that day. But the adrenaline and rage that had pumped through her veins in that moment were gone, leaving her nothing but a broken mess. Hermione had given him her virginity, her purity, her _White Blank Page, _and he had kicked her aside.

_You did not think_

_When you sent me to the BRINK, to the BRINK!_

She wondered what that selfish man had been thinking the day he seduced her, and was seduced. Hermione knew what had been on her mind; lust, and love. Never had the prospect of cheating on Ron once passed through her guilt-free conscience. Ever since Remus had left her, whenever Hermione looked at Ron, his eyes said it all- _You deserved it._

_You desired my attention _

_But denied my AFFECTIONS, my AFFECTIONS!_

Hermione now knew why he had never returned her "I love yous," why he had never taken her out to dinner or acted like a boyfriend at all. She assumed that it was the werewolf, taking out it's toll on him. She had given him space, and given him love and comfort when he needed. Now she knew she couldn't have been more wrong.

_So tell me now where was my fault_

_In loving you with my whole heart?_

_Oh, tell me now where was my fault_

_In loving you with my whole heart?_

The sound of the doorbell echoing hollowly in the house halfway broke Hermione from her heartbroken stupor. She quickly pulled on clothes and made her way downstairs and threw open the front door.

Deep down, she had expected this. Part of her sang with happiness. And the sane part of her slammed the door on Remus Lupin's face.

As she began to stomp away, the door opened again. "Wait! Just wait one moment." He called after her. Hermione whipped around, angry tears burning her eyes and blurring her vision. "What do you want?" She shouted.

Remus opened and closed his mouth, as if he didn't know. When he finally spoke, he said, "We need to talk."

Tears leaked down Hermione's face as she shook her head regretfully. "There's nothing left to say." She said in a barely audible whisper.

"Please, just listen to me." He begged. Hermione let out a sound of exasperation. "You've got sixty seconds." She told him, tapping an imaginary watch on her wrist. "Ok. Hermione, I don't know what it is. I don't know exactly why I'm here. But I'm-"

He took a step forward and leaned in so close that she could taste his breath. "I'm drawn to you, Hermione Granger. I don't know how else to describe it." Hermione forced herself to take a step back. "That's not enough. That will never be enough for me to ever be with you again." She said, turning her back on him.

"Leave now, Remus." She felt a hand on her shoulder. "Please, 'Mione-" "Don't call me that!" She cut him off, shaking his hand off her. "You had your chance. Just go back to your beloved Tonks and leave!" She ordered, glad her back was turned so he couldnt see the streams of tears running down her cheeks.

There was silence. Not bothering to check if he'd actually left, Hermione dragged her feet upstairs and collapsed on her bed. With her head in her hands, she was wracked with silent sobs.

She registered that she wasn't alone in the room a moment before somethng brushed her hair. She opened her eyes and lifted her head. Remus was there, bending down so that their faces were level and stroking her hair back from her face. _He just doesn't give up, does he?_

She wanted so badly to shove him away and scream at him. She wanted to be strong. She wanted to resist.

But more than that, it seemed, she wanted Remus Lupin.

So, against her better judgement, she wound her arms around his neck and kissed him.

_Lead me to the truth and I_

_Will follow you with my whole life_

Her lips pressed forcefully to his and their tongues danced as she pulled him on top of her. _Why am I so weak? _She wondered, tearing off his cardigan and proceeding to yank the buttons off his shirt. _Why am I falling for this all over again? _

Remus's lips pulled away from hers, only to leave a trail of hot, open-mouthed kisses down her throat as he made quick work of her shirt and bra. She hissed at the feeling of his cold hands on her breasts, only to be replaced by the warmth of his mouth closing over the nub. Her hands roamed over his powerful chest, feeling every scar and cherishing each.

_Oh, lead me to the truth and I_

_Will follow you with my whole LIFE!_

Soon, all items of clothing were shed. Hermione braced her hands on Remus's shoulders as he thrust aggressively into her. Their sweat-slicked bodies slid and moved together as though they were made for it; they were a single being, a fluid back-and-forth motion.

The end result was a climax so powerful that Hermione writhed and screeched underneath him. It seemed like both an eternity and a few seconds before Remus slumped against her body and rolled off.

_Can you lie next to her,_

_And give her your heart, your heart,_

_As well as your body?_

He wrapped his arms around her torso and pressed her back to his front. "Oh, Hermione..." He murmured in her ear, and his shaky breath quickly eased out, signaling his fall into slumber. That was it. No "I love you."

Everything came crashing back down on Hermione. What a fool she'd been. He didn't love her then, and he didn't love her now. The only thing she had succeeded in was helping him cheat on the one he really loved.

Hermione pried the cage of his arms open and sat up. _No more. _

No more would she let him toy with her heart and use her body. No more would she succumb to the weakness that her love for him left her with.

She got to her feet and, ignoring her aching muscles, pulled her clothes on over sweaty skin. She was going to go out into the wizarding world and put her knowledge to use. No more would she live like a broken-hearted Muggle teenager.

For she was no longer a weak girl. She was a strong, intelligent woman, who didn't deserve to have her heart broken over and over again.

Moving to her bedside, she stared down at Remus. The man she had fallen in love with, and the man she would always be in love with. His prematurely-lined face was relaxed; his plump lips were parted, his long lashes almost danced against his cheekbones, and his sandy hair was in wild dissarray.

She stopped herself a second before her lips touched his forehead.

"Goodbye, Remus." She whispered.

And this time, she meant it.

_But tell me now where was my fault_

_In loving you with my whole heart?_

_Oh, tell me now where was my fault_

_In loving you with my whole heart?_

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><p><strong>There. I realize that the lyrics are not in order in some places. <strong>

**Reviews are like little pieces of happy**

**XD**


	2. Attention

**If you liked this story, please go check out the fic I'm writing called Digging Deeper.**

**Whether you have constructive cristicism or praise you'd like to give it, please review.**


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